2012 was a difficult year for me in many ways that I won’t go into on the Internet…but there were many struggles and I felt hurt and lost several times. As I look back, though, one thing remained constant – God’s provision. Proof of His existence and care, despite my soul feeling downcast. This provision came in many ways…a husband who lets me feel sorry for myself and then demonstrates how to pick myself back up, a family who continues to stand by, support, and pray for me, friends who showed by example their unfailing trust in God in circumstances far more serious and difficult than my own, friends who listened and cared even when they were so tired of hearing my complaints, a support group at church where relationships and trust have been deepened and where I see models of the kind of woman God intends me to become, even extended family of friends who hurt with me and pray for me, Biblical preaching, opportunities to give to others when I would have rather crawled into bed…and I could go on.
This is not to say I am all the way back to “normal”, whatever that means. There are still struggles. But God is working on my anxious and hardened and hurt heart. I feel and see progress, and I am thankful. Pastor Koeman preached a sermon on spiritual depression a few weeks ago and I listened to a Beth Moore talk on our hearts and God used those two talks to begin to open my heart and brain up to the fact that He was still there and that makes things all right. No, He didn’t cause the bad stuff. But He allowed it. And He will use it. And again, like I have said before, He will receive all the glory for who He is and what He has done. And even if life continues to be a struggle in these ways or other ways, He will still be good and He will still provide. Through whatever this broken world throws at me or my family or my friends, He will provide.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.